Motivation man, it's motivation.

These few days I felt it.

I felt that self esteem.

It was part of my selfishness.

I think that I am better than anyone.

To think that way, is not actually bad.

To live in this world, you have to be selfish.

I learn so much from this game The Last of Us.

What it argues is that,

humanity, at a certain point where it becomes the lowest low,

humanity would change where everything from what they need, they will fight for it, even kill for.

There's no love when it comes to your own needs.

Only the love to yourself.

Humanity will see its true colour when 'apocalypse' comes.

Joel, the main character, he imply that humanity is not worth saving.

Would you sacrifice your loved one for humanity? Or would you save your loved one and live by a corrupted and spoilt humanity?

This has been on my mind lately.

The game is so addictive and true and just full on on emotions.

Since the theatre performance, I realised something.

I realised that I am good.

God is good.

Everything that I do seems to be something to be proud of.

I was and am still motivated.

After that show, a lot of the people just come up to me and say

'wow, you're really good.'

'wow, you're handsome, you can sing, act and even play the piano'

'you really did it today, you've reached there'

'you're acting was just great today, you can just change from one to another'

'i really love your energy'

These was the compliments that I get that night.

I was shocked.

I was just shocked.

I am really humbled that our group made it so well that night.

It was a night to remember.

This month has been the best month so far.

The love.

The performance.

The game.

The relationships.

It has made all the difference.

It just made me realise that I am good at something.

Not many people can be good at many things.

I just have to push even more.

To be GREAT at things.

I felt the need to start reading.

I felt like if I can read, read and just read.

The knowledge, the firm statement that I can give. Wow.

And not with just knowledge, the interaction with people.

The interaction in class.

If I can get the knowledge from reading and also with the interaction with people.

to communicate my skills with,

that in my opinion is great.

I learn so much from talking to Azmir last night.

It's like in the future when you become a parent,

it's not about how you become a better parent by focusing on you,

but how you make a better child a better person, you focus on them.

By this, I don't mean spoiling them or just give whatever that can make them happy.

what he means is 

how can you build a great person out of the child and by that you will become a better parent by how successful the child can be.

That is success.

I just learn a lot of things when I talk to people.

To talk to people and discuss knowledge.

in which case I ask not simple questions but deep ones.

Knowledge of things that is happening around us, general knowledge.

What value can you get from talking to these people and what can it help you to become greater.

I've changed from talking about myself to talking about the things that matters.

I'm not pursuing to satisfy my needs.

I'm pursuing to know what is there for me that I can work on and generate value to the society.

I think this is important as you grow mature.

The inside of you is important.

That is generated from motivation, commitment and responsibilities.

And other things.

Not just satisfying your needs or following people with what they do.

You do you.

God understands. 

You need to communicate with God and even people.

Without communication, there is no understanding, there is no knowledge.

It's time to be a leader.

You are leader of yourself.

To be a leader, you have to have goals.

A need to strive for something greater, not better but greater.

We are made for greater things.

Not mediocrity.

It was doubt that kept my mind.

The doubt of is this really the one?

The doubt of other choices/other people?

The doubt of my own body instead to endure the long term based on faith?

The doubt of communication, no physical face-to-face but voice and texts?

Love is a thing about commitment and communication.

I was scared when it all started.

I was always impatient and never rely myself on faith and hope.

This is a new challenge for me and I'm willing to accept.

The first thing that came to my mind that night was God, not me but God.

I felt like this was set out for me. He did.

To learn from simplicity, to commitment, to faith and to be PATIENT.

I can learn a lot of things from you, God.

Is just wether i accept or not.

What I really need now is just communication, that's it.

and Faith.

and I begin to realise that it takes time and 

the change of things will dictate where this us, this life will go.

Is only up to us how we want things to go.

By our mindset and our actions.