My schedule for this exam month.

I’m having a dilemma right now.

I don’t know what type of angle should I focus on.

I’m tired and I’m craving for sweets and KFC! Been resisting for days now.

I’m praying for adrenaline so that I can start my work.

I have 3 essays to do and CULS blog assignment due on the 4th

Net comm is due first on 8^th of November

CULS essay is due on the 11^th and

This comparing media system essay is due on the 12^th.

If I can do my comparing media sytem essay right now, like plan it and do some research and try to finish it by 3^rd?

Spend one day on the 4^th to finish my blogging.

Then start doing my net comm and finishing it by 8^th.

And then go full on for CULS till the 11^th.

Spend on whole day on the 12^th to finish edit my media system essay.

I need at least 2/3 days to plan my media system essay and start writing it! All in 5 days? And then hopefully by 3^rd I will finish it.

Net comm I need at least 2 days to read and do my research. Another 2/3 to write and edit which also comes to another 5 days.

If 3^rd I can finish writing my media system essay then I can go full on for net comm till the 8^th.

After that I will need to go full on for CULS essay.

Need to watch brokeback mountain to analyse the movie.

Takes another 1 or 2 days to analyse and research. And another 2 days to write it all out. So altogether 4 days hopefully. That’s why by 11^th have to finish it.

And take one full day to analyse and edit media system and pass it up on 12^th.

Rest for a day!

Then have to go full on for internet marketing

Revise lectures and memorise

19^th is my exam so I have to do as much as I can from 13/14^th and go full on till the 18^th night!

Have to go through 12 lectures and make exam notes!

This is my schedule for the next 4/5 weeks!

The small things.

Mighty Men gave me some perspectives.
I need to make some changes.
It's not about living life not knowing where you're going but setting out paths to maybe bring you in for a higher purpose.
Let yourself be open to chance and open up for opportunities.
I guess i've been over doing it till the point where i procrastinate, i don't do what i love anymore and i'm not loving the life i'm living everyday, everything is so mundane and ordinary.
It's hard defining your own self.
It's hard to know where you are going.
I want to live an extraordinary life.

There's so many goals for me to achieve but there's only one life for me to live.
To experience, to love, to care.

1. Be faithful and honour God.
2. Exercise
3. Piano
4. Make videos that can make a change, make short films.
5. Learn new things, get internships and experience for my career.

I think I've set out these goals cause it's my main, main priority.
To become the person you want to be, is by changing yourself first before you can change others.
You are not the one responsible to change or to give anything to anyone if you don't have your foundations right or if you don't even know how to handle yourself.

There are things that I must sort out for myself first.
My lifestyle.
My work ethics.
My personality and attitude.
My relationship with God.

Seems like a lot but i think it sets me out some goals to achieve.
Be the person you want your daughters to look up to.
Be the person you would treat anyone like it's your family.
Take in the perspective of others to become that person you want to become.

I know this post is a little bit biased and really positive and full on optimistic.
But i guess is these kind of things that drives us to be better each day.
You do not want to wake up in the morning not wanting to have a nice day.
Even though you die, you die living, knowing that you lived a happy life.

There are mistakes that i've done,
made some decisions that are wrong,
bad experiences and just difficult encounters,
but I think if you ask, pray and just have faith that no matter what happens,
a breakthrough will come. God will answer to all your problems.
We come to deny, avoid and just stay in our comfort zone and not sorting out the burdens we have,
but if we place our focus to surrender and ask God for guidance,
you will soon understand that the faith you have will increase your confidence and self-esteem.

I really want to go back to the Lord of The Rings world again.
I really want to watch the 3 movies again.
I want to be crazy over again.
I want to have this marathon again.
Since my birthday until now, i haven't watch it yet.
I've been listening to the soundtrack over and over again these few weeks.
It really calms me down and just makes my day so relaxing and just lets my burden goes away.
Thank you Lord for Howard Shore who creates such beautiful music. It's all Your wonders.
especially Lord of The Rings. Thank You for that. A fantasy that I've grown to love and love even till now. Thank you bro for showing me that day in our old house.
Can't wait for the last Lord of The Rings concert!

Few updates on myself!
I've got myself an internship position in JWT.
I hope it all works out fine.
I'm currently learning a song on the piano!
I hope i can learn more than just a song in the future.
I'm currently doing little push-ups and sit-ups every morning and stretches as well, it does feel good!
I hope i can be fit by next year.

I'm still procrastinating a lot!
I'm still not reading my bible.
I'm still not making short films like I should.
I'm still not reading the books that I bought especially The Hobbit!
I'm still not saving up money when I should not spent so much on a daily basis.

I promise that I will change myself to be better.
To be a better person, so that in future, i want to say that I'm proud of who i become.
I promise to have a better relationship with God.
I promise to be healthy.
To be successful.
These are the life goals that I want to achieve.
Cause somehow or rather I just have this crazy idea that I want to change the world.
But first, I need to change myself and then take it from there.
Even the smallest things can create value.
Sometimes big things doesn't mean you are successful.
But the small things is what really matters.

Fluctuations.

So many things yet to learn.

So many things yet to discover.

I'm just 20 years old.

There's too many things in my mind which is irrelevant.

There's nothing for me to lose at this stage.

Sometimes we think too much,

We get scared of the things we do not know.

I always say that I think too much,

But really, to be honest, I don't really know how to solve my problems.

At one point, I had this urge to blog, to blog so many things that happened.

I wish I could list it out all the things out here and explain what is it about.

But things, they, they just disappear so fast.

It didn't allow me to stay put and slowly decipher the things that happened.

I guess to really do this I need a map,

A map of the things that I value, what I need, what I want and to map it all out,

So that, I can live my life accordingly.

You are embarked on a journey that you do not understand.

Of all the sufferings of the world that you don't know much about,

Out of the sudden when you are on this journey,

You begin to find that this is way bigger than what you originally planned.

You wish to do great things but you're scared.

You begin to do something that you don't want to do.

You just want to get rid of it.

It's a responsibility.

But I guess, this responsibility has its price. You sacrifice for the greater good.

You wish to just stay back to your comfort zone but because of the circumstances, you have to get out of it.

Lucky to have someone by your side, but sometimes they do not understand even though they are right and also providing you all the confidence you needed. 

Sometimes you just need someone that understands your pain.

People come and go but what is important is that you do what you need to do.

I believe, once the journey has ended, you will never be the same again because how can you go back to the life where it once was, some hurts that goes too deep, you begin to realise that there's no turning back.

What I learned in church yesterday was really compelling.

Gift/Talent produces service.

Service produces credibility.

Credibility produces influence.

Influence produces change.

Change produces atmosphere.

Atmosphere produces seed.

Seed produces fruit.

Fruit produces dominion.

All of these surrounded by the work of love

You need to find your gift to bring service. This service is not slavery but out of love to serve with the need to have credibility in order to have influence. Because, without credibility you will not have an influence. This influence is important to have change you want to see in this world. Everyone talks about change but without putting your gifts and talents to service which then produces credibility and then influence, you will not have change. This change we see creates an atmosphere. This atmosphere is where everybody would see this change and from there a seed is put into their lives and this seed can then produces fruit. This fruit that it has become, is dominion.

A roller-coaster.

It's been a while.
These few weeks have been a roller coaster for me.
The feelings, the things, the moments, the work and the emotions i've been going through.

Got myself involve in:
MoMU I.T. Director
ASEAN Games Australia Videographer
ICSS River Cruise Videographer and Photographer
CTG lighting crew
3 of Life's A Gamble Theatre Performances.

Wow.
Thinking of it, why am i involved in so many things?
To forget about the loneliness?
To forget about the loss?
To feel like I belong somewhere?
To do what I love to do?
To find out what I can do?
To search myself?
To experience myself in doing work?

I get so busy that I have no rest,
no time for movies,
no time to make my own videos,
no time to hang out with friends
no time for studies, finding hard to catch up with work,
no time to go wonder around the city, going to new places and trying out new food,

To think of it,
if I don't do these things that I'm in,
do I actually go out?
do I actually do the things that I wanted to do?
Before this, what I do is just stay at home, sleep, being lazy, procrastinate and just not getting myself doing anything, which sucks cause you don't feel productive, you don't feel like you're using time right.

Maybe I'm involved in one too many.

You deleted everything,
you blocked from everything,
I was shocked, scared and just stunned,
I don't think there's a chance of explaining, I doubt it.
I felt that loss and I just felt I needed a closure or some explanation, but I didn't get it.
I can't see nor meet nor even to greet because i'm afraid.
Well I guess, that's how its going to be, since it has to be like this.
I'm sorry.

I just feel so disconnected with people even with the people I am working with.
I just don't feel the sense that we can communicate.
Maybe I'm just too sensitive
Maybe I say the wrong things
Maybe I'm weird
Maybe I have a bad attitude
Maybe I'm too emotional
Maybe I'm not fun to hang out with
Maybe I'm perverted
Maybe I"m too gay-ish

I just don't understand why relationship and friendship is not strong as I thought it would be
Maybe everyone is busy with their own things
and when time passes by,
you just have this feeling of uncertainty because you haven't been hanging out much or there's just no time for each other
I'm confused.
So many things just left unanswered for me.
Maybe I'm thinking too much.
It's not that bad after all maybe?
Everyone has their own friends.
I see them hanging out with each other every time
They have a group of friends
Why can't I be in that?
I can honestly say, mine is scattered.

I want to travel with a group of friends
I want to go to places to try out new things, new places for food.
I want to explore while I still go the time, not alone with a good group of friends.
I want to be adventurous.
I want to feel like I can connect with people.
I want to feel like I'm safe with these people.
I want to feel like I belong somewhere.
I want to feel like I deserve something and they do too.

It's hard maybe because we are all international students.
Money, studies and time are very important factors for them.
Some, they just won't sacrifice that much.
Some, they just want others to agree to only be in it.
Some, they are just waiting for a plan to come through.
Some, they want to go back to their comfort zones quickly, their families.

I get busy because knowing this would happen,
There's so many commitments that i just want to rest
I get tired so easily, my body is so weak.
I sleep so late at night.  ( 4, 5am in the morning)
I don't exercise often.
Can't seem to catch up on my studies only on par.
Maybe i'm just too busy, I can't manage my time well.
I'm learning day by day.
I really want to learn how to be sociable.
To know how to communicate with people.
To learn the art of communication.

It's like now I feel like I'm working.
Maybe this is normal, I'm just not used to it.
This is just the beginning.

Slowly, that doubt I have is going away,
But I still have that worry in me,
I still feel like i'm not qualified.
I feel like i'm still burdened.
What goes in my mind,
the things i'm thinking,
I don't think there's a way of forgiving.
Maybe it's just the body playing its part.
I just hope that day will come, when I realise, this is the one.
This is the beginning, the middle and the end.
I felt like this is a way for me to learn these things that I long forgotten.
Maybe not forgotten but values that I need to learn for the future.
These values is so important in order for me to be a man.
To be a successful man.
Not for myself, but for others beside me.
To learn how to care, how to love, to form myself an image for others.
I think it's a really crucial time for me.
And you are the one to change me.
I thank God for that.

It's already September for 2013.
It has been a roller coaster for me.
Emotionally, physically and spirituality.

Everyday you wake up,
what if you believe the things that you are in,
the places you are going is setting out for you to a higher purpose?
Would it able to change your day or will it give you doubts?
That is the time you need to start realise that some things have to change
and some things is worth dying for.

Ya know what i'm sayin, doug?

Put yourself in a third person view and see your life in a particular area,
which part you want to change and which part you willing to die for.
it's okay to be in one that you know its wasting time or its not bring you any good,
cause its part of the experience.
Everyday we need to be involved, and be engaged.
Everyday we need to remind ourselves what we truly believe in.
We deserve to be better each day.

Time.

Back to my writings.

Post 4
Time.
10th August 2013

What does time mean to you?
Does time control you?
Do you control time?
Can you make time?
Do you not care about time?
Is time your life?

The fact is that you can't change time,
you need to know how to manage time.
Time is inevitable.
We live by time.
How does it when time goes by,
How do you use to its full purpose and not wasting it.

If you stop and look at your watch,
time is slow.
When you started doing something and neglecting time,
time is fast.

Time is the dictator.
Time is the director.
Time is my master.
I need to listen to what it says.

But sometimes i don't care about time.
I let time slide.
I do what i feel like doing first.
And when I think time is ok to change,
I'll let it past.
But when time comes short,
i do hate time.

So to have time as you friend,
you need to schedule time.
you need to manage it.
Don't let it control you, but you control it.
Time is meant to be used wisely.
Down to very last second.
When you're one step ahead of time,
you can do so much during the day.
That's when procrastination is the main factor of losing time.

Shall you not waste time,
Do what you want to do and do it.
Don't wait till when time past,
All you think that you wanted do, you can't do it anymore.
Because the old saying goes, you can't go back in time.
Seize every moment possible and make time precious.
We only have 24 hours a day, but in that every hour,
wonders can happen if each hour was meant to for something valuable
of course for your healthy 8 hours of sleep!


as he moves around the house
cleaning up the house
moving things around
taking trash cans out
washing dishes
doing homework
read readings
and go online and search for lenses and cameras
a busy day with so many commitments
time is running out
day till night
night till day
rushing and rushing the whole time.
assignments are piling up
due dates are closing in
favours are coming from friends to do many things
started procrastinating
wasting time
and just chilling
sleeping day in day out
lost the sense of focus
can't wake up
trying to read but all he do is youtubing
go out with friends for movie and long dinner and desserts
knowing that theres things to do
feeling anxious
started to organise the things to do
"why didn't I do before this?'
stressed and just wanting to just finish
started finishing each and every single thing
one by one slowly with much focus
getting everything done before the due date

lesson learnt:
make time to do things properly
when you're rushing, things that you do are not great.
organise and be focus in the things you do.
say no to procrastination.

It's just a feeling.

I know.
I can't really resist it.
It's been far too long and I miss that feeling.
I want to relive that satisfaction.
I want to feel that feeling again.

Is it bad? I don't think so.
Why?
Cause if I love that person, I wouldn't think it's bad.

Is it good? I don't think so.
Why?
It makes it look like it was forced.

I have no idea what will I do when we meet.
I will just need to see how it goes.

I believe in the moment.
I believe no matter what happens, if its right, its right.
As long as you know what you are doing.

God, what say You?
Would You allow at that moment?
Or have You given me a choice?
Not to repeat my mistakes?
what is it?

I don't know why but I've been losing my memory very easily these days.
I kept forgetting stuff.
I should eat more almond!

I'm just so impatient.
I am afraid.
This feeling that grows in me.
I'm afraid of that sense of lost.
I'm afraid of that sense of hurt.
So fragile, just so damn fragile.

Ah, don't want to think about it.
I'm just completing tasks.
I'm not thinking further than that.
It's bad I know.
But, I'm tired of thinking.
Tired of investing.
I just want to choose one thing and just stay with it.
I'm fine with mediocrity.
As long as I'm happy and I get to present value into the world.
That's all I hope for.

I'm changing.
Hope I'm changing for the greater.
I want to be more mature and think like a man.
I just want to be a better man.

Life's A Gamble.