Christmas.

It was just grand. Everything was grand. I don't know about you but this is my first time going into a fine dining restaurant. I mean it is, with all the fork and spoon placed in a certain manner, different glasses for different wine. They actually printed a menu just for our table. So you can see that it's a fine dining already. I don't go to this kind of restaurants to eat and it was a privilege to eat there. 250 ringgit per person. I'm not that kind of guy who wants to eat such expensive food to myself. It's just far too expensive and I don't see why we need to. I was so enthusiast about Christmas this year. I was singing along Christmas songs wherever I go. Shopping complexes, car parks, at home, in the car, everywhere, I can honestly say i'm the one person that's so hyped up about Christmas. I was a bit disappointed that i wasn't going to my cousin place for Christmas party but turned out they changed the setting of the event. So can't blame us for not going, more like the perception of what was done last year and the need for a change of atmosphere, mum says there were more friends than family so why not have a change and just our family gather together. So I think it wasn't a bad idea either. I guess this year from the pictures i've seen, the Christmas party at my cousin's place was great fun too.

Anyway, I didn't know what to expect really. We were setting a photo-shoot for our family photo. Mum wants it and hell, if all of us are dressing up for this special occasion, definitely there is a need for a photo-shoot since our whole family is here. Thats done and off we go to Majestic Hotel to have our dinner. Coming to the place, the entrance was huge. Christmas tree was tall, everything was either gold or marble. First thing came into mind, formal and grand. We were suppose to go for the buffet but we went for fine dinning instead. I was just amazed by how grand it was. Then we went upstairs to go the restaurant and to our table. The walkways are just i-dont-know why but you have different rooms for different things and each room which makes it beautiful. It's like you have this room for this kind of gathering and you have another room thats for meeting, it's just nice. Anyway coming to our restaurant, first thing came to mind, British. The colours was gold and candle lighted colour atmosphere with lots of halo and bright lights with a dim nature. Dim is the room with many white dressed uniform waiters and waitresses walking around serving people and holding onto the golden trays with a layer of white plates stack against each other properly. A waitress came to us, showed us to our table and another waitress came to showed us to our seats and the menu. Described to us what is happening like we are amateurs. Not a bad thing, just everything is treated to detailed.

All of us sat down. I was just amazed, gasping for some air and just eyes-wide-open with the eagerness to explore and just wanting to know more about the place. I couldn't settle myself in my seat, just wondering what's all this about and how come this is just so grand. When I meant about grand, it's the formality that we come into as a family. The place is the difference. When you have gold coloured and everything is either shinny or dim yellow, and especially when you have people dressing up formally to serve you, these things I tell you is the grand that i'm talking about. The space is grand. The design is grand. It's my first time coming to this place everyone came before for my cousin's wedding. It was a great idea my mum thought of us since she found out about this place when she was having high tea with her friends and so that was it. We used to have our Christmas celebrations at my cousin's place but this year no more. When friends come into place and not entirely just family, that became the difference. Still remember how it was years ago when we was celebrating. I love that year when I spend my Christmas at Joel's. He roasted that turkey and all of us just ate together at a table and it was all so good. I remember his grandparents was still here and it was just so nice. It makes me sad when they passed away. I'm just glad that i get to have that Christmas dinner with them. It was a memorable memory. Well other years, there's much joy celebrating Christmas, unboxing presents, singing Christmas songs together, every year there was something to remember. But last year was different, things changed and that closeness wasn't there anymore. So this year, we're trying something different and well since we never really get together as a family for Christmas, this was the chance and this was the year.

Sitting down, everyone laughed at my amazement towards this grand and formal fine dining dinner. I was the hyper one that night. I had to. To bring the family together, to let them come into conversation, I was trying my best. I know that they wouldn't so I tried. At least it wasn't a burden for me that night, it was a good feeling because I love this gatherings. So the unsettled me just went on to describe how different it is, my heart was just without comment. I could not describe my feelings at that time. And to ask whether do I like this. I can say no, because I prefer to usual 10 ringgit dinner, mum's cooking, ordering dishes with rice dinner is so much better. Yes, because it is fancy and everything is so high-classed. To be honest, the service is considered quite bad that night. I couldn't come to complain because I, myself was at struggle to know which fork and knife to use first. These dining table etiquette I tell you, is just so stressful. At first the bread, you're not suppose to use any fork to cut it. You have the butter knife that's it and guess what, you actually have to use your hand to eat it! Ah, wonderful, a profound fact! I thought that you have to eat it with a knife or something, but no, you can just eat it with your hand, in fine dinning! stunning. Anyway, the dishes came out so slow, one by one, literally it was an hour a dish. It was around 9 to 10 and we still haven't got to our main dish.

We were talking about how our conversations on the things we used to eat usually is the ones that we would laugh over and not the high class meals. I guess this also have to do with the formality of the dishes. Like a simple fried rice, the way we call it, the way we eat it is so different from eating a steak. The different class of people, food and place. Eating at a high class restaurant, being a middle class family who usually eat food of the 'ordinary' people talking about the the 'ordinary' would be different towards saying eating at a 'ordinary' restaurant, being a lower middle class family talking about high class food. If you know what i'm saying. Not to forget, the music really sets the tone for the 'grand'. Jazz christmas music is playing with the old antique mic and a long stand. A lady dressed in golden swinging her hips from side to side and you see her holding her hands up to touching the notes and guiding her voice to the sound of the music singing towards the mic. A three man band with and elder man playing the drums with brush sticks and a younger man playing the double bass and a lady playing the piano as they came up to a melody of a jazzy swing music Christmas, it definitely made the ambiance of the place rather classy. I wouldn't be surprised that silence would also give the classy feeling and with the sound of table spoons and fork and knife cling towards the plates. You get the picture. The dinner was long and only until 12 we went back home. It was surprisingly fulfilling. The food was good. The music was good i mean really it was good with the swinging sensation, just the singing. Company was great. It was a great night.

But it wasn't the Christmas i'm expecting. It wasn't the right feel to it. I find Christmas is more joyful, not exactly formal, filled with lights and turkey, Christmas trees and presents under the tree, family dinner filled with plates of delicious food and just really really joyful Christmas songs playing on the CD player, and everybody is gathered around the table eating and just having nice conversations, that's what I called Christmas. But this formality that we come into, the need for etiquette and the soft mellow jazz swing and soft Christmas is sung. Mind you, the lady who is standing singing isn't really good at singing actually. She sung like it was meant to go out of tune or the need to go overboard with her voice anyway, it was pitchy and just not singing material especially Christmas? You have to be joking. Anyway that's been done, and the tone has been set. The main thing is the family. Leanne was there, after 2 weeks she's still hesitant for me to touch her, to hold her, to give her something, to hold my hand, it's so sad. I missed her birthday and now she's being like that, only time can wait. I think all of us had a good time. I did make everyone laugh, did I? My brothers and me, we were joking around and smiling at each other jokes, i'm being the victim sometimes is what makes everyone smiling. Dad was ignored sometimes but saw him laughing at times, i think he was happy too. Mum was just sitting beside me, she was also putting her input too and she's smiling. She planned this dinner, she made this happen, need to thank her to be able to gather us together for this dinner. Both sisters in law are quiet, you can understand but I find them smiling too. Just that one is with the phone the whole time, one with the baby, a necessary distraction to cut down the awkwardness, I don't blame, in this family, I can understand why too. I guess we can't go too far with conversations. Just those nostalgic, memorable moments we can talk about that can make us laugh and have a good time. Also those things we find funny, weird or just the stupid things that we just laugh about it. I think that's more than enough really.

I could not elaborate more about our Christmas dinner. It was really nice and the main thing was to be able to have this family to get together and hardly we ever can since i'm in Melbourne studying and both my brothers are in different cities. I find the others doesn't really matter, the music, the fine dining, the Christmas atmosphere. Maybe next year, we can try something different. A home dinner would be nice too. Next day on Christmas day, a day well spent in church, Wilson always tells me I have this after church feeling where I get all high and that's good. I mean church, yes, it gets you pumped up no? And then there was me and my parents and wilson's family, we met up for lunch after that and that was good. Well, overall, Christmas was the one to remember, I had fun and hope everyone had fun too. Because it's Christmas, and nothing is more important the gathering of family or even just your family. I don't think it was the exact day Christ was born, for me I think Easter was more important but then if it's true, and it's been a day set to rejoice His birth, so it's great to have ourselves involved in church on that day because listening to the sermon and understanding what Christmas is all about. For me, it's all about family and gatherings. There's always something to look forward to next year.

The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

Coming into this movie, you can ask Wilson about it. I was really being an ass to him. Asking him about the best cinema, best seats, best everything. Everything must be in order to watch this film. I was so particular about it. I was joking with him actually knowing that I'm fine with anything as long as its comfortable. The one thing that bothers me little is the 24fps or 48fps. I was just deciding which one should I go for. Well the answer for that is 48fps because it's what Peter Jackson want us to see in. So we should go for that.

After work, I wasn't thinking about anything else but The Hobbit. I was so eager about it ever since I don't know when. I'm just excited about it. It's because you won't get this Middle Earth movies again. These would probably be the last time since it's these are the only books that they are able to buy the rights to. Who wouldn't right? I even brought the ring that I've made to the cinema to be in the mood. After work, I sent Su Ann back to her place because her mother is having check-ups and she would be late to fetch her and that day we finished our work before 7? The movie is at 9 45! Traffic jam along the way and then reach home, got myself ready, and Wilson was downstairs already. You can sense the urgency of how we really REALLY want to watch this film. It's The Hobbit, obviously.

Anyway, I was shocked. It was quite complicated how Wilson booked the tickets. It was here then later it was there. Ah, I told him I leave everything to him. He told me it was booked at the other place with 24fps one. I was quite disappointed at first but oh well, he shocked me saying that we got the 48fps one at 1 Utama which is one of the best cinemas in town. You should see me, I was hyper all the way, being myself and just talking crap with each other. Dissing people, creating our accents and just being cool with everything. It was a great time with my cousin even before starting. Sad that he had to leave for Taiwan next week. Did I mention? We had CHILLI PAN MEE for dinner! That's pure awesome dish! The best one in town in SS2! Back here, got ourselves popcorns and coke and getting ready to watch the movie.

Spoiler Alert? If there is one! (Ye Be Warned)

The movie was awesome to be in so many ways. One, it gets you into Middle Earth again. It was a nice feeling when you're able to go in again. Starting was a little shock for me. But it was alright. Not much of a complain but it wasn't strong I feel. Like you could have put it in the first movie and make the first movie even more interesting. Unexpected Journey has pacing issues and thats the main problem with the movie and you can see the improvement with Desolation of Smaug! More actions, it's more on with everything. Story lines are getting more and more complicated, you can see the characters are developing and the tense it has created to proceed to the Battle of the 5 Armies. That would be interesting to see in the third movie. 

Smaug is amazing! Voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch. Loving more and more now. After seeing him in Star Trek: Into Darkness, his voice as Smaug is so so good. The dragon is taunting, scary, smart and sleeky. I think the dragon is somewhat the best creature ever since Gollum. You have Gollum in the first movie and now you have Smaug in the second movie. What an accomplishment really. You see Bilbo being more of the burglar now than just introducing characters that have already established in the first movie. Everything is seen moving now with more urgency. I really love Gandalf, you see more of him, what he can do and just his quest to find out what happening in Dol Guldur. Radagast wasn't being silly anymore. Love the character Thorin and where the character is going now. You can see the little little things that is going to happen. Bilbo with the Ring. You can see the importance of the Ring in this movie like it plays a part to show the connection to the Lord of The Rings.

In LakeTown, that's another interesting place with characters like Bard the Bowman and the Master of LakeTown. Beorn is also in the movie and that's good. Should see him fighting that would be great! But I guess you'll see more when the Extended edition comes out. I'm not sure about reviewing. Don't really know how to review a movie though but what I can say is that this movie is so far what I've expected the Hobbit to be. Definitely better than Unexpected Journey because of the story is going, the characters and the sense of urgency! Especially Smaug kills it in this movie! Bilbo, Gandalf and the company of the dwarves are all playing their part. The scenes that I like the most are When Gandalf is in Dol Guldur, the barrels scene and scenes with the dragons, all these are really awesome!

The cliff hanger at the end, awesome! Keeps you up for the next one. I just can't wait for the next one really. Like for the Lord of The Rings, you don't really need a cliff hanger because of the weight of the story but for this the Hobbit, the cliff hangers are more emphasised really. Like for Unexpected Journey, when they show a glimpse of the dragon, it was really exciting and I can't wait for the next film and after year, time past by so fast, now i'm here watching Desolation of Smaug and I can't wait for the third and final film, There and Back Again. Well, so many things to look forward to. Just can't wait for next year.

Well, next year is going to be my graduation. I don't think i'll be back to watch with my cousin. That's the most upsetting part really. We are going to break the tradition :( But anyway, that's for next year. more things to come, more things to be missed. It's all how you deal with it I guess. After the movie is finished, I was taking long breaths and just sinking in what I've just watched. It all changed after that like I'm in that world and I couldn't get out. I was speechless and was just thinking about the movie the whole day until today! Not so much but just after that night.

Anyway, it was an amazing film. Urged everyone to go see it. Just love the feeling how you're able to go into Middle Earth again. So going to buy the extended edition and could not wait for more things to come. The trailer, the poster, the music and just DECEMBER 2014! Credits to Peter Jackson for making this come true! There and Back Again will be epic.

Internship.

First week
It was really nervous going into the first day. I didn't know what is it going to be. It would be my first time working in a big big company. Something that i've always wanted to be a part of, an advertising agency. I've been thinking you know, what if next time my future sets here in an advertising agency. I don't really know what position i will be taking but just advertising.

I'm part of as a copywriter. That's going to count for something. Honestly, I don't know what a copywriter does. How the company works, what people are there, what positions are there, anything about the real world I just don't understand. It's like a whole new beginning. It's like studying again but you're applying it to work. I don't think what I study does apply to the work I am doing right now. It's so so different. Yes, in university you study about the concepts, the theories, the way how the media works, the arguments on content and production of content, almost everything. But then, when I came in the first few days, it's not like what you expected, seriously. It's about generating ideas, that's what they want from you.

Maybe it's different for each company and how they approach to advertising. But when I come in for the first few days, it's all about the ideas and you have to really REALLY good in generating ideas constantly. First day, bored. Nothing much there is for me to do. Family and the internet told me to go forward and ask, ask for jobs, do anything they ask, read books about it or just be proactive. But, first day, I can't really do it. I'm just held back by the fact that i'm actually working. So, I just sit there and try to do nothing even though in my heart i'm filled with desires to do work.

At first, in my heart, I wanted to be a part of something great. Something extraordinary. I want to do this, do that and just get involved in every single thing but I tell you, it's really hard. First day, got introduced to the team, went to Anthea, one of the copywriters in the company for work and ask me to think about some activities that a kid and a mum would do at a park with balloons. And from there, i've been thinking about it the whole day. Before that I was just trying to do my own research on the company's client but that didn't work out. Well, after that's all being done, i've got to do some administrations stuff, get the key to enter the building, got the documents that I need to get and everything else sorted out. Well, that's all I had to do for the first day. Nothing major, nothing big, just an introduction.

Going back I tell you, i felt so so exhausted. I just lay down on my couch for the whole night till the next day. I don't even have the energy to go for the next day but i pushed on. It was so hard for me. Imagine university, well, you can't compare to working life. University you get so much flexibility with the hours, you can even choose the best time if you're lucky. Work, it's Monday to Friday 9-6 every single day. Sometimes you work overtime, sometimes you even have to work during the weekends. Oh, I almost forgot, first day, I woke up so early thinking that the working hours is at 9, reach there at 8 30 and no one was there until 11! I'm saying that this working lifestyle change so much like it's a culture shock. Now I wonder why they say work is so much different. You have so many more things that you need to do, commitments rise and ah, I don't want to get into it. It's so massive the way how it transits from university to work. Step by step we go through life and this is one of the transitional phase of life.

Second day, third day. I get to design stuff for shell. First time I got the job, I was saying to myself I don't study design, I don't draw and no, this is another way of generating ideas. This has got to be the time that i've drawn the most. The ideas are not flowing and my drawing isn't the best so that job I got wasn't good but it's okay, at least I know how it works. These are some of the things that they would throw at you. It's a good experience. Another job is that I have to travel to deliver some documents to other companies. Like a post office guy! Well other than that, there's nothing much. Just staring at my computer screen the whole day and finding work to do. That's all.

Coming into the fourth and fifth, I'm already dreading myself to come to work. I don't know what I'm feeling. So many things that just baffles my mind. So many things i'm into question. The lifestyle that i'm coming into after staying in Melbourne for so long. So many things that I've to get used to. Working life, the life here in Malaysia, living with my mum, my own space and time, my freedom, my future and career, just so many things that I need to question. Sometimes coming back from work, I'm just so frustrated and exhausted with myself and work. I can't be happy because of the stress and the pressure that I'm putting myself into. My mum just would not understand and I don't blame her. I've been living with myself for so long, I don't know how is it like to live with someone else. That's another phase that I need to learn too. My mum sends me to work everyday. I can't drive and no, I can't stay out late even 12 is the latest for me. I'm forbidden to go out during the night especially mamak. Coming back, everyone is scared about safety and security. To be cautious about the things that happens at night, robbery and murder. It just adds another stress and worry to myself when i'm back. You don't have to worry about things like this back in Melbourne. It's new to me again.

I've never spend so much time with my family before. Been following my mum everywhere she goes, listening to every thing that she says, trying to be there for her every single day, go to places that she wants to go, letting her have control of the TV even though she doesn't watch it. As though she's my girlfriend. Saturday was family day that day and it was nice to see my cousins and everybody else. This is what I come back for, the reunion of the family, the gathering of adults and children of all the cousin. This is what I focus my holiday to be with. Nothing else. I really need an answer or just to be communicate my relationship with God. That Sunday was powerful, the message was strong and it really hit me even though there's so much difference in the atmosphere in the church comparing it to the church in Melbourne. That's all for the weekend really. Bought a lot of DVD's and just needed to watch lots and lots of movies this holiday!

Second week
Yes, passed first week now onto the second. Feeling dreadful again like I can't wake up to work but I can sleep through the weekend and wake up around the same time feeling fresher. Anyway, second week, more things to do but not more things like it would keep you busy the whole week and got no room left to do other things. More interesting things to do I can say.

Nestle Crunch Wafer is the biggie that I needed to do this week. First I got the TVC, that means the television ad that haven't got edited or put any soundtracks in. They asked me to think of something to write for the radio ad following the TVC. So was working closely with Anthea on it and came out with the script, got it done on Friday. Another was the Line campaign, this is really interesting because you get to know about what kind of ideas you have to campaign the whole thing. So we have to come up with something like a larger picture of everything and under it we implement the marketing plans. That's pretty interesting but my idea was unclear and it was just bad. But it's a good experience. I have to really learn how to suck it up and take it and try it again with a better idea! I really want to improve and I don't see a place or a person to help me or to guide to improve. One thing is that everyone in the office is so busy that they got not time for me really. I just want to do work and improve myself in things but I don't see the chance YET. Maybe in January after the New Year.

Weekends was boring. I was thinking of hanging out with friends . Do something or go out and just have fun because hey, coming back from Melbourne and no fun? It's not right. Just work and work and being so tired and all, I just want to get out and enjoy. Turns out everyone is busy and can't find someone to hang out with. The worst is when i'm not free then there's someone to call. Oh well, wrong timing at a wrong place sometimes. Oh did I mention?

THE HOBBIT: DESOLATION OF SMAUG IS AMAZING! 

I got to watch it on Thursday! That was fun. I tell you, being with my cousin, Wilson, I get to be myself, I'm so myself. That's why I love hanging out with him. I felt so me when i'm with him. Just wish to have more time with him. Really, he is the closest family to me compared to everyone. Love him for that.

Anyway, went to the concert my mum's been pestering all week. That's done. Sunday didn't go to church but spend the whole day with big brother and finally, Leanne. She doesn't like me. Oh no, don't want to hold my hand, don't want to do anything with me. That's so sad. Missed her first birthday and everything, she's really a one hard to please. But oh well, when she gets older, then probably I'll get to know her well and I hope I can be as close with her like me and Wilson. That's all I hope for. Not some formal and conservative thing going on like you have to be in your best behaviour. I don't want that. Anyway that's how I spend my weekend. Went to the shopping mall and just have a nice day with the family. And, I love love the family talk we had that night. Just me, my two brothers and my mum. I just like how I get to know their perspectives towards me. I really needed that because it helps me put into perspective and I know what i'm going through and what I need to get through. So it was all good.

It's been a roller coaster ride for me the past 2/3 weeks. Nothing but more things to discover. Learning each day as it comes.

Results.

Oh damn! It's been a month since i've blogged.
Oh well, here's the results:
Comparing Media Systems - 73
Net Communications - 75
Television, Lifestyle & Consumer Culture - 64
and the worst Internet Marketing - 56

Remember from the last post how stressed i was with my media systems and to tell you the truth, i'm really happy with it.

The one thing that I could have done much better is my Television, Lifestyle & Consumer Culture subject. It's actually very easy to get a high mark but because of my blogging assignment that I only rushed towards the end. That's why Tim only gave me a pass. Plus, the last assignment i was late :(

I guess this is the reason why i got a low mark for it.

Internet Marketing. Really. Made me really disappointed. I guess there's only 2 assignment and we only got a 65% for the first assignment. We didn't have the time and the teamwork to do it. But i couldn't really blame it because we got the idea but we couldn't put it in words. Exam is the one that is pushing my grades up but its not :( I guess I didn't have the time to do it and it's not enough.

Anyway that's that.
I'm happy with my net communications really. It's an interesting subject, had great group mates, so it's just good to get a good result like that! Plus, i was late for the last essay :( anyway, yes!

Same with Media Systems. I am really happy with it. It's really a hard subject to score but turn out that i'm alright with it! So that's good!

All i want to do is keep every subjects in the range of 65 above to the 70's. If I ever get an 80 and above, a H1, that's just a bonus really. I would be the happiest person alive!

Whole of november was a busy period for me. That's why I didn't get the chance to blog. Anyway it was a month full of stress, essays, exams and sweets. I gain so much weight last month. No wonder when now i'm back in Malaysia, everyone is saying that i've gained weight. So much pressure and just pure procrastination the whole time. Can't wait to just get over with everything.

Now, it's december! Everything's calmed down. Year 2 ended for me, got my results and i'm free from University for the moment but then it's no rest for me. Got myself an internship at JWT. That's another whole new experience.

I just hope in terms of university, I get to get the marks to study Masters. That's all i want to do right now.

My schedule for this exam month.

I’m having a dilemma right now.

I don’t know what type of angle should I focus on.

I’m tired and I’m craving for sweets and KFC! Been resisting for days now.

I’m praying for adrenaline so that I can start my work.

I have 3 essays to do and CULS blog assignment due on the 4th

Net comm is due first on 8^th of November

CULS essay is due on the 11^th and

This comparing media system essay is due on the 12^th.

If I can do my comparing media sytem essay right now, like plan it and do some research and try to finish it by 3^rd?

Spend one day on the 4^th to finish my blogging.

Then start doing my net comm and finishing it by 8^th.

And then go full on for CULS till the 11^th.

Spend on whole day on the 12^th to finish edit my media system essay.

I need at least 2/3 days to plan my media system essay and start writing it! All in 5 days? And then hopefully by 3^rd I will finish it.

Net comm I need at least 2 days to read and do my research. Another 2/3 to write and edit which also comes to another 5 days.

If 3^rd I can finish writing my media system essay then I can go full on for net comm till the 8^th.

After that I will need to go full on for CULS essay.

Need to watch brokeback mountain to analyse the movie.

Takes another 1 or 2 days to analyse and research. And another 2 days to write it all out. So altogether 4 days hopefully. That’s why by 11^th have to finish it.

And take one full day to analyse and edit media system and pass it up on 12^th.

Rest for a day!

Then have to go full on for internet marketing

Revise lectures and memorise

19^th is my exam so I have to do as much as I can from 13/14^th and go full on till the 18^th night!

Have to go through 12 lectures and make exam notes!

This is my schedule for the next 4/5 weeks!

The small things.

Mighty Men gave me some perspectives.
I need to make some changes.
It's not about living life not knowing where you're going but setting out paths to maybe bring you in for a higher purpose.
Let yourself be open to chance and open up for opportunities.
I guess i've been over doing it till the point where i procrastinate, i don't do what i love anymore and i'm not loving the life i'm living everyday, everything is so mundane and ordinary.
It's hard defining your own self.
It's hard to know where you are going.
I want to live an extraordinary life.

There's so many goals for me to achieve but there's only one life for me to live.
To experience, to love, to care.

1. Be faithful and honour God.
2. Exercise
3. Piano
4. Make videos that can make a change, make short films.
5. Learn new things, get internships and experience for my career.

I think I've set out these goals cause it's my main, main priority.
To become the person you want to be, is by changing yourself first before you can change others.
You are not the one responsible to change or to give anything to anyone if you don't have your foundations right or if you don't even know how to handle yourself.

There are things that I must sort out for myself first.
My lifestyle.
My work ethics.
My personality and attitude.
My relationship with God.

Seems like a lot but i think it sets me out some goals to achieve.
Be the person you want your daughters to look up to.
Be the person you would treat anyone like it's your family.
Take in the perspective of others to become that person you want to become.

I know this post is a little bit biased and really positive and full on optimistic.
But i guess is these kind of things that drives us to be better each day.
You do not want to wake up in the morning not wanting to have a nice day.
Even though you die, you die living, knowing that you lived a happy life.

There are mistakes that i've done,
made some decisions that are wrong,
bad experiences and just difficult encounters,
but I think if you ask, pray and just have faith that no matter what happens,
a breakthrough will come. God will answer to all your problems.
We come to deny, avoid and just stay in our comfort zone and not sorting out the burdens we have,
but if we place our focus to surrender and ask God for guidance,
you will soon understand that the faith you have will increase your confidence and self-esteem.

I really want to go back to the Lord of The Rings world again.
I really want to watch the 3 movies again.
I want to be crazy over again.
I want to have this marathon again.
Since my birthday until now, i haven't watch it yet.
I've been listening to the soundtrack over and over again these few weeks.
It really calms me down and just makes my day so relaxing and just lets my burden goes away.
Thank you Lord for Howard Shore who creates such beautiful music. It's all Your wonders.
especially Lord of The Rings. Thank You for that. A fantasy that I've grown to love and love even till now. Thank you bro for showing me that day in our old house.
Can't wait for the last Lord of The Rings concert!

Few updates on myself!
I've got myself an internship position in JWT.
I hope it all works out fine.
I'm currently learning a song on the piano!
I hope i can learn more than just a song in the future.
I'm currently doing little push-ups and sit-ups every morning and stretches as well, it does feel good!
I hope i can be fit by next year.

I'm still procrastinating a lot!
I'm still not reading my bible.
I'm still not making short films like I should.
I'm still not reading the books that I bought especially The Hobbit!
I'm still not saving up money when I should not spent so much on a daily basis.

I promise that I will change myself to be better.
To be a better person, so that in future, i want to say that I'm proud of who i become.
I promise to have a better relationship with God.
I promise to be healthy.
To be successful.
These are the life goals that I want to achieve.
Cause somehow or rather I just have this crazy idea that I want to change the world.
But first, I need to change myself and then take it from there.
Even the smallest things can create value.
Sometimes big things doesn't mean you are successful.
But the small things is what really matters.

Fluctuations.

So many things yet to learn.

So many things yet to discover.

I'm just 20 years old.

There's too many things in my mind which is irrelevant.

There's nothing for me to lose at this stage.

Sometimes we think too much,

We get scared of the things we do not know.

I always say that I think too much,

But really, to be honest, I don't really know how to solve my problems.

At one point, I had this urge to blog, to blog so many things that happened.

I wish I could list it out all the things out here and explain what is it about.

But things, they, they just disappear so fast.

It didn't allow me to stay put and slowly decipher the things that happened.

I guess to really do this I need a map,

A map of the things that I value, what I need, what I want and to map it all out,

So that, I can live my life accordingly.

You are embarked on a journey that you do not understand.

Of all the sufferings of the world that you don't know much about,

Out of the sudden when you are on this journey,

You begin to find that this is way bigger than what you originally planned.

You wish to do great things but you're scared.

You begin to do something that you don't want to do.

You just want to get rid of it.

It's a responsibility.

But I guess, this responsibility has its price. You sacrifice for the greater good.

You wish to just stay back to your comfort zone but because of the circumstances, you have to get out of it.

Lucky to have someone by your side, but sometimes they do not understand even though they are right and also providing you all the confidence you needed. 

Sometimes you just need someone that understands your pain.

People come and go but what is important is that you do what you need to do.

I believe, once the journey has ended, you will never be the same again because how can you go back to the life where it once was, some hurts that goes too deep, you begin to realise that there's no turning back.

What I learned in church yesterday was really compelling.

Gift/Talent produces service.

Service produces credibility.

Credibility produces influence.

Influence produces change.

Change produces atmosphere.

Atmosphere produces seed.

Seed produces fruit.

Fruit produces dominion.

All of these surrounded by the work of love

You need to find your gift to bring service. This service is not slavery but out of love to serve with the need to have credibility in order to have influence. Because, without credibility you will not have an influence. This influence is important to have change you want to see in this world. Everyone talks about change but without putting your gifts and talents to service which then produces credibility and then influence, you will not have change. This change we see creates an atmosphere. This atmosphere is where everybody would see this change and from there a seed is put into their lives and this seed can then produces fruit. This fruit that it has become, is dominion.