T'WAS
The difference between last month and this month. 7 blog posts and now only 1. What have I been doing since I stopped my internship. Can't say that I did much. It was Chinese New Year and it was boring. It wasn't like the years before when everybody would go their friends house and it is a more lively environment. It's been so long since i've played fireworks like what, 10? The second day already, I was thinking where are the friends, where is everybody. Most of them follow their family travelling. I think it's what is in their minds nowadays, to do something different. To go away for once and just be with their family, travelling and see what the world is during Chinese New Year. Honestly, I don't mind the usual. To stick with what is at home and do it even though you are doing it for years and years, again and again. Chinese culture like i've seen in the movie 'The Journey', it teaches you be closer with the family. Other cultures, they have their own values too. But, if you break that rule and you try to do something else, things change. After that, I was quite busy. Going in and out of KL twice in a week. One is to meet up with the relatives in KL also to go for Steve's open house. That was done. Second was the cousin lunch for just a day trip. That was done. In Ipoh, the first few days, nobody and it was sad when me and Joel was just finding people on contact list to see which house can be go. Call no answer. Message never reply. The fact is everybody has a break only in that one week. After that everybody would start their university, plus i'm already going back on the 26th so it was kind of the only chance to meet up. It was quite disappointing at first but it was alright the next. Got to meet up with Jonathan they all and that's all done. At least I get to meet up with most of my friends.
ORGASMIC
The next was just playing badminton, FIFA, singing and just trying to exercise even more. I've been reading books, well, i try, but at least I did read finish one. A small one. Well, most of the time, I've been playing a lot of badminton. Something about badminton that gives me satisfaction. Not in a sexual way, well technically it is, but it's more sadistic when you think of it. I like the idea of being suffocated, being really tired from badminton, when your muscles get all tensed up, your breathing starts to turn to panting really badly, sweat pouring down your body like you just taken a shower, that I like. No. I love. I think it's because from young till now, I got into competitive training, it was really harsh and hard every single week. I remember the training I got from Richard Tim. The physically of it. Wow. I wish I can do that again. I wish I can train like that again. Again, regretted that I have decided to stop that training. I was just passing time and really getting LAZY. It was, it IS very bad now. Not even want to move, plus when you play so hard, you don't want to move. Putting yourself everywhere, from couch, chairs, bed,
LINGER
Wilson came over last weekend. I tell you. He is like the only guy that I can be myself. Really he and I we are like soul mates. Not cheesy here, not being gay, not being anything but bromance right there. Thank you for coming. I needed you. You complete me. It's because of you I feel better. It's because you I am me. It's because of you I thank God that I can live the next day. This. is. really. gay. Hands down, best cousin, best friend, best brother. We did covers, we talked about life, relationships, career, movies, love, music, games, anything you name it. It's like he is my twin. HOWEVER, he is an annoying sick son of a bitch. I'm kidding. Oh yes, the thing about swearing. You can do it for fun. But when you do it like you mean it, that's cursing and that's bad for you. Learn that shit up, bitch. :) that's being kind. Not cursing at you. Motivation baby. It was not long before he had to go. He had to go back even though how hard me and my mum convinced him to stay. Talking about me and my mum, well, it wasn't good at all last week. But i've learn how to deal with things now. I'm not sure but so far, now, it's all good. Like we talked, laughed and was watching movies together so that's good but the week before was bad. I think her output is me. Ranting about everything to me. When I do a simple mistake, it's about time for her to use it to talk to me and rant the things she really want to talk about. Although sometimes it's hard to take in, you just have to suck it up and hope that it will all pass sooner or later. Her cool down time takes about a few days. So you can imagine. She wants to go Melbourne to spend time with me so I can see that it's not that our relationship is being sour or anything but she knows I'm the closest where she uses me as an output to feel better. Well, if thats the case, I'll do anything as a son to be there for my mum. Even if I was meant to go through all the rants, criticism, judgement and accusations. She booked me for the entire year, april break, july break, december break. WHY? Well, she said the same thing last year but she didn't come. So it's quite unpredictable.
HAPPY
I've been listening to 'Linger' by The Cranberries and 'Happy' by Pharell these days. I really love old songs. Sometimes, when you mix old and the new, you get different range. I don't know whether is this true but that's what I thought. So many books yet to read. New semester is starting soon. Subjects chosen, time chosen, everyday also has class. Third year, I NEED TO DO WELL if I want to do masters. Plans has been set. Internship and Masters in Melbourne. Try for PR and work for few years before I settle myself down in Malaysia. Being in Malaysia right now for me, rather that I feel like it's a place to relax, a place to just laze around. It's hard. It's not like that. Everyday is a day to learn, to go back and get back again. Learn to not sit down and do nothing. Learn to be initiative. I learn that when you're not doing something that you can be proud of in your day, you become lazy. You become lazy when you try to not do anything, when you give yourself in to be lazy. It's a choice. I think I live by this phrase : 'Everybody has a choice'. You either choose to be or you choose otherwise. It's up to you. When you made that choice, stick to it and if it doesn't feel right, there's always a choice to turn the other way. I've learn that you don't expect the things you want from people, from circumstances, you do it because you want to. Because you want to learn something else. Everyday, it is a day to learn. I'm going back Melbourne on Wednesday. I can say I can't wait to go back to Melbourne. There's no voice saying that I want to or I don't want to. I don't want to leave Malaysia is because one is family and comfort, the other is career and self-discovery. So either, i'm not fussed about it.
